Last week was probably the hardest week of MPD time since I've been back. I was getting more and more fatigued as the week grew on and by Thursday night, I was exhausted and feeling very sick physically, drained emotionally and not doing so great spiritually. I realized I had not been spending a lot of time with God, I was lacking in prayer and was not paying attention to other duties and responsibilities I had in regards to MPD and my life.

In short, I was beginning to feel anxiety attacks because I was looking at my contacts list and the more I looked at it, the more I dreaded to look at it again, because I saw how it was continually shrinking. I was growing fearful that I wouldn't have enough people to contact. I kept going through the names in my head..."no, that person won't want to meet me...that person...eh...not sure...this person...I'll call them next week. They're probably busy." My anxiety about it continued to grow and I realized I lacked any sort of peace in my heart. Jesus was no longer the center.

However, I had an amazing conversation with a fellow staff worker friend who encouraged me to not be fearful. She was so encouraging and affirming and it was really what I needed to hear to get my focus right with God. In fact I knew what I needed to do in my mind, but receiving that counsel and exhortation on the listening end was a huge help.

I forgot to mention that in the middle of the night on Tuesday earlier that week, I woke up to a horrible pain in my left side. I thought it was my appendix, but as my mother so graciously told me, "Your appendix is on the right side! That's probably your spleen or something!" :) hehe. Silly me. But it was a horrible, sharp pain that would not go away and I said to myself, "Chris...you need some sleep."

The weekend was a blur and by Monday and Tuesday, I just needed some good rest time to refresh, reflect and pray. And pray I did. Praise the Lord I got to fast and pray and unexpectedly fasted for almost the whole day and was able to regain a lot of focus from that and really sensed the presence of God as I worshipped Him Monday morning. He gently affirmed that "Chris, your support is going to come in." Hearing that was a huge comfort as times were beginning to get tough.

To be cont.

This entry was posted by Christopher Wu, on Friday, March 04, 2005. You can leave your response.