The Ohio River was so beautiful...

As I sat there, close to 1 in the morning, looking across the water, I would've never thought to ever find myself here at this point in my life. A few years ago I'm not sure exactly I was imagining for the future, except to follow God and to be doing missions work.

It was just like "wow..." You really never know where you'll end up or where God will take you. You think things will turn out a certain way-and sometimes they do-but a lot of times they don't. You really don't know what to expect and life just keeps coming at ya, not really slowing down for anyone really.

A year is a year...an hour is an hour...a minute is a minute...it's one and the same for every human being on this planet. It's just where we find ourselves in those moments of time.

I don't want to get too philosophical here, thinking about God being outside the constraints of linear time and space. But just thinking about how God sets all this up from the very beginning is mind blowing!

Anyways, back to the bridge.

I must've journaled there for at least a few hours, pouring out my thoughts, my heart, and prayers up to God. I expressed my anger, frustration, the "why is it like this?" arguments, and just letting everything out that I've been bottling up and running away from the last few months.
I haven't wanted to deal with the conflicting relationships in my life and the deep heart issues that were eating me up inside until now. The last few days before I went on vacation were especially awful and just depressing. It was good to finally say to myself, "o.k...stop running away. Stop being like Elijah, and confront the situation."

I've done amazing ministry, seen the Lord do awesome things in the summer, and then all of a sudden, I'm on the run like Elijah was. He was dealing with Jezebel. I'm dealing with major conflicts and relationship issues that collectively represent the "Jezebel" in my life right now.

But the encouraging thing is that during those few days, I went from hopeless to hopeful.

I was depressed because I saw no hope. There was no light on the other end and I couldn't see past my circumstances. I wasn't putting my trust nor my hope in Christ. You would think it would be like, "duh...trust God, Chris". But it just hasn't been that easy. My pain has become so great it's clouded the goodness and love of God to the point of not being able to see any bit of blue skies on the horizon. But thanks to the Lord for being my sunshine :) Cheesy way of putting it, I know.


Here are two reasons I now have more hope after visiting the Cinci area:

Johnny, my old college buddy is studying seminary in Kentucky right now. He drove up north to Fort Mitchell, Kentucky, where I was spending the night just to see me. We went out to a GREAT chili place called Gourmet Chili in Covington, KY, just about 10 minutes up the interstate from where I was staying at.

It was awesome seeing him, reminiscing about the old days and sharing about our current ventures in ministry. I shared a lot about my current struggles and it was good to have a fellow brother listen to me, pray with me, and be able to encourage me to have the Lord's perspective on this. He certainly has a pastor's heart and I saw it in the way he counseled me and ministered to my heart. Thanks again, brother...

Yes, this is our wacky picture we took together up top when I was staying in the Best Western Inn. I had my ticket to see...the gun show. hahahaha. Johnny! You studly man!


And E-rock!!! Eric lives in Cincinnati and used to go to my church back in Long Island. He's back in Cincinnati now doing youth ministry in a pastoral position-without the official status though.

It was great being able to relate with him on a lot of the cultural struggles and hardships we've both been through growing up as Asian-Americans in the states. He shared with me a lot of his heart for the youth of his church to work through some of the issues that came with those cultural struggles that they face. It was good just being with someone who "got it" that I didn't need to explain myself to.

We shared about our future, trusting God with our wife situation (lack thereof, rather), and what will be coming up on the horizon, over some noodles and rice. It was great having some quality Chinese food for once! Sorry Indiana...you just ain't got it. Maybe one or two restaurants, but not much beyond that :)

Anyways, it was certainly a healing time, but I still didn't completely work through all the issues I was dealing with. I am still troubled though Jesus has promised me peace...and peace not as the world gives.

Continue to pray for me as I work out these things and enter back into our fall season with blue sky nine. I have to admit I have a lot of reservations coming back in. And for good reason. Nonetheless I know that God has put me here to love others and share the gospel of Christ with those who don't know Him. Satan is working over time to split us up and so is our flesh.

Pray my pride would be crushed and for my flesh to die.


I heard in a sermon last night how when God gives us wisdom, we are to believe and not doubt.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
-James 1:5-8

The doubt James is talking about is not the doubt of asking questions or wrestling with believing Him. It's sitting in judgment on God's ways, being the one who in essence says, "o.k., God, if your way is really right, then I'll try it. If it's not, then I guess it just didn't work"

It's like, "mmmm...is your way really the best way, God?" That's what I've been doing inadvertently.

Forgiveness Your way? Got doubts for you, God...

Humility Your way? Got more doubts for you, God...

Reconciliation Your way? Love your way?

Questions, questions, questions...doubts, doubts, and doubts...


As the man with a sick boy said to Jesus, "I believe; help my unbelief!" -Mark 9:24


Thanks for reading friends...good night

This entry was posted by Christopher Wu, on Friday, August 11, 2006. You can leave your response.