Got some? 'Cause I got TONS. And I use 'em too! They worked for Adam and Eve, so they work for me!

I bet you have some of your own...'Cause human nature? We tend to hide.

The problem with fig leaves though? They eventually dry out, fall off, and you're left completely vulnerable and naked before God. They don't last long and they're temporary. Yet I continue collecting them as I go through life. Pick some up here...pick some up there...cover, cover, cover...

When is the hiding and shame going to end? When will I realize that God still loves me even though it's so ugly inside? It's hating the sin, not the sinner...that applies to me. I have a problem with that. I have a problem accepting the fact that God would love me with all this crap in my heart. Ya know why? Because I don't accept me! And I don't love me like that! Heck! Forget others! If I can't love myself, how am I supposed to love others?!

God's been poking holes in my fig leaves. Forgive the expression but I think it's true. He's gently whispering to me, "Chris...Chris...they're not going to work. They're only going to last for so long." "But no, God! I just want to hide! I don't want to deal with it! It's too much...I'll just keep covering and then I'll look o.k."

Cowardice, saving face, lack of courage, lack of faith...whatever you want to call it, whatever word you want to use to describe it, it's all the same. We hide and hide and hide, protecting ourselves, putting up a good front so people will think everything's o.k. And I always think, "well, if they REALLY knew what I was like on the inside, they really wouldn't like me!!!"

That's lie no. 1...but gosh...what a convincing lie. 'Cause ya know what? Some of that is true! Yet, that is the characteristic of the evil one. He never gives you something so off tangent that it's completely unbelievable. He'll throw in a little truth in there, mixed in with the evil. All he needs to do is make you err in one way and soon you right off the straight and narrow path and off to some other off shoot road that leads you nowhere except to bitterness and trying to live out the Christian life in our own flesh.

I thought I've been dealing with my own stuff. But apparently I haven't been...it's been coming back...

Old issues have been coming back. Stuff I thought I've dealt with. I have but it's just a different layer this time...God's digging deeper. He is going straight in and diving right into my heart. Just digging and digging. MAN IT HURTS! GOSH GOD!

Yesterday, one of my spiritual mentors I met with told me, "So you feel pretty naked and exposed right now, huh? That's exactly where God wants you..."

GAAAAHHHHH! !!@?#%?!#?!? Don't worry, they're not curse words...just indecipherable groans of pain and agitation.

That's just hard to hear 'cause I know it's probably true...He's breaking me down until I have nothing left except the cross.

All the fig leaves I've had have been taken away. They're drying up, they're deteriorating and they're not going to work anymore.

So here I am...exposed...

Naked and vulnerable...

And it's funny because the question is not so much will God love me, but will I love myself? And will I let God love me? Will I accept the fact that nothing's changed because of these heart issues that I see and that He's still just as crazy about me now as He was way back when things weren't so ugly?

The funny thing is I actually think God "found out" about me just now when I am "finding out" about me. But He's already known and it's always been there. It just hasn't come up until now. I don't think I've let it come up to the surface until now. But He's still loved me through it, knowing full well of these issues and what my heart is like.

I need to be convinced about God's love for me as Paul was...

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

"But be it far from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." -Gal. 6:14

And...

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

It's a beautiful thing...

I just don't feel at liberty expunging all the gritty details of life struggles that involve certain individuals-certain individuals who may actually read some of this! So forgive me if I must refrain but I welcome personal contact to share.

But for the moment, I'd just like to say that there has been reconciliation and restoration in my life and in key relationships. I am so grateful to God for that because this has been hanging over my head like a thick, dark cloud for the past few months and it's been HARD.

So thanks for all who prayed!

I talked with some people afterwards that told me they were praying for me through that situation and man...God came through. Praise God for answering prayers and hearing me out.

Please keep praying for me...things have been resolved, but there are still many other things underneath the surface, in myself, that need to be dealt with.

But now that the storm has passed, all the debris that has been left behind by it needs to be picked up. I feel really exposed right now, like my heart's been spliced open, naked and vulnerable before other people. And it's ugly...I think the hardest part of it all is for myself to accept what I see and still believe that God loves me even with all the "stuff" in my life. In all honesty, a much stronger word would be a more accurate to say, but it might not be as appropriate.


Tomorrow morning we have our first concert for the fall tour. We'll be playing at IUPUI at noon and then we drive up to Dekalb, Illinois to play a show at Northern Illinois University at 6p.m., Friday night. Here we go! PRAY FOR US! WE DEFINITELY NEED IT! I DEFINITELY NEED IT!

Thanks friends.

Night

O.k., I know I've been a little video crazy, but I definitely want to post this video up. It's the promotional video for the Urbana 2006 missions convention!

If you haven't heard of this convention before, YOU MUST CHECK IT OUT!!!

Urbana 2006

I received my calling for music & missions at Urbana 03 that ultimately led to my decision to join Keynote ministries with Campus Crusade for Christ (which is so ironic, because Urbana is actually an InterVarsity student missions convention! HA! Go figure! God certainly has a sense of humor).

In years past, they've had amazing speakers come and speak like Elizabeth Elliot, Billy Graham, and Ravi Zacharias, to name a few. Where else do you get to worship together with 20,000 other believers from all over the world?!

If you are interested in reaching the world for Christ...
If you are wondering what your place might be in God's global mission...

Then you need to check this out:

I've got tons of these and I want to share as many as I can, so enjoy!

The first one here is of us doing Jack Johnson's "Sittin', Waitin', Wishin'" at our concert in Tetovo, Macedonia.

For those who don't know, for that particular concert, most of our audience there was actually Muslim. I got into some really cool conversations with a few guys right of college that were working: Mark and Shkomi.

I got into a really cool conversation with them both, talking about spiritual things, life in general, how life is in Macedonia, and I got to share with them the gospel of Jesus Christ.

When I explained the part about Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for our sins as an act of grace, I see something happening in side their heads, like the wheels were turning and things made sense to them for once about the Christian message. It was really cool to see.

They didn't accept Christ but I know that God planted some seeds in their hearts. If you think of them, please say a prayer for their salvation...




Here's a prettier tune in our set, "Blackbird", at the same Tetova concert




Here's Ms. Stoudenmire lighting it up with "Life is Wonderful" at the
Tirana concert




Here I am sporting the five-string Zeta violin on "Doubting Thomas"! The coolest thing in the world was that I borrowed the violin from a violin shop in Carmel for free! Praise God!




The next clip is of us playing Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You". Now I know, I know...mixed feelings about this one. Some of you are like, "uggg..." and some of you are like, "OH MY GOSH! THAT'S THE GREATEST SONG IN THE WORLD!" But no matter what you think, the Albanian's LOVED this song. It got the HUGEST response out of any song that we played. They absolutely loved it.

They were singing along to it, waving their hands in the air, cheering...they ate it up! And praise God 'cause we learned that song JUST for the tour and it REALLY paid off. Praise the Lord. And I think Teresa's does a really nice job with it, though she personally falls into the "I HATE Kelly Clarkson" camp. :)




You may have wondered, what did you all share with them? Here's a portion of Teresa's testimony that was shared with the Albanian's. We had a translator for every show and I think it resonated well with them. Well, it must have for us to see almost 280 decisions for Christ in ten concerts! AMAZING! GOD IS AMAZING!

Here is another clip of us playing in Albania. This was my favorite concert we played by far.

We played in Tirana, Albania's capital city, for 550 people! AND we saw 120 people come to Christ that night! AND not only that, I got to play one of my favorite songs of all time for hundreds of people. It was a total dream come true. A really special evening.

I have three clips of the song that go together but were split when Tammy, our staff host, recorded them on her camera.

Oh, and Alteen (I'm not quite sure how to spell his name) is the one soloing in the second video. Supposedly he's the best electric guitarist in all of Albania. I believe it too! You can see for yourself in the video! He has no facial expression while he's playing his solo and he makes it look so effortless. Again, an awesome privilege playing with these awesome musicians!

Enjoy!

So yes, FINALLY. I finally have an actual video clip of my band playing live in Albania! This is us in Albania playing "Somebody More Like You," by Nickel Creek in the city of Elbasan. Sorry it took me forever to finally post it up. Given my time constraints and my lack of html ability, it took me a while to finally figure out how to do all this. It's pretty simple when I actually put myself to it but yeah...

Just to warn you, this clip was taken from a video camera, so the audio quality is definitely not anywhere near top notch. But it gives you a general idea of what we sound like and many of you have been curious about our sound, which makes sense considering we're actually a band!

SO! Without further ado...

"Groupi amerikan, blue sky nine!"

For the past few months I've been doing a video series bible study taught by Ray Vander Laan, an incredible Christian historian and teacher, who teaches on the kings and prophets of Israel. And the coolest thing about it is that he teaches his lessons from the actual sites in Israel where a lot of Old Testament stories took place. It's given me so much more of a historical and socio-economic context to the circumstances surrounding these stories.

And the further I go into this study, the more I realize just how rebellious and unfaithful the Israelites were. They were deliberately choosing to worship idols when they knew it was wrong and against God's Word. Like I knew they were rebellious, but I didn't know they were THAT rebellious and wicked. Countless accounts are written in 1 & 2 Kings about unfaithful kings who worshipped Baal and even built altars to these idols.

In 1 Kings 16, it says that Omri walked in the way of Jeroboam and did more evil than any other before him. In 2 Kings 10 it mentions how Jehu also did not turn from the sins of Jeroboam. And so did Jehoahaz, Jehoash, Zechariah, Menahem, Pekahiah, and then Ahab. None of these kings turned from the sins of their forefathers. They allowed the generational curses and sins to be passed down to them and continued walking crooked paths.

How God could be so patient with His people is amazing! I read through some of these passages and the written accounts of these kings and I think, "man...that's horrible." But I'm not so sure that on a heat level I'm that much better. I too struggle with an idolatrous heart, but it's just a little bit harder for me to see.

Anyways, I want to get on with it and share with you something that really struck me about all this...specifically about the whole notion of Baal worship that the Israelites so easily fell into.


Tel Megiddo


































These are pictures I took on my recent trip to Israel back in March with my friend, Kevin (bassist for blue sky nine), before all this crazy bombing started happening over there...a topic for another day.

What you are looking at is a picture of a religious altar that was found at tel Megiddo in Israel by the Jezreel Valley. It was believed to be a religious altar because of all the animal bones that they found around this area. That led them to believe that there were ritualistic sacrifices made here.

Check out this short little video clip that gives you a better view of what tel Megiddo looked like and the Jezreel Valley that it overlooked as well:



I know that for myself, often when I think of Baal worship, I think it's the most repulsive thing in the world and so obviously wrong. But the scary thing I found is that Baal worship actually makes sense to me. There's an actual logic to it and I can see why the Israelites found it so attractive.

This is how Ray explains it:

The struggle for Our Hearts and Minds
      When the Israelites-nomad Hebrews-entered Canaan, they discovered a lush land of farmers, not shepherds. The Canaanites attributed this fertility to their god, Baal. Because people of that time thought of their gods in terms of a specific place, the Israelites wondered if their God, whom they perceived to be the God of the desert wilderness, was still their God in the vastly different land of Canaan. The Israelites were wondering, Can Yahweh, who led us out of Egypt and through the wilderness also provide fertile crops in Canaan, or do we have to honor Baal? Or do we honor both?
      An intense spiritual battle began for the hearts and minds of God's people. Over and over again in the Old Testament, we read about the Israelites' attraction to and worship of Canaanite gods, God's disciplinary response, the people's repentance, and God's merciful forgiveness. Then the cycle would repeat itself.

See, because the generations before that were disobedient all died off during that 40-year period of wandering in the desert, the new generation of Israelite people only knew God as a desert God. They wondered if He would be applicable to farm culture and lush farm land.

As the quote says, they started looking around them and thinking, why are these people here so prosperous? And they attributed that prosperity to the gods that the people of Canaan worshipped. It makes sense, right? I told you so!

And that in a sense is so similar to us! We look around us in the world and think, why are all the worldly people rich and blessed and have everything that they want? They seem so happy, their quality of life is better, they have a nicer home, nicer car, etc. If I just work those extra hours, I can get that same quality of life and have it made. I'll get what I want and be prosperous.

THAT'S US! THAT'S WHAT WE AS CHRISTIANS DO! We compromise and bow down to the Baals in our culture!

Here's more...

Baal was the one god of the ancient Near East who supposedly "won out" against the other gods of the time, the creator-god deity, El. He also defeated the deities of the god of the sea, god of storms, as well as rain, thunder, lightning, and the god of death.

In Ray's synopsis of Baal,

his victory over death was thought to be repeated each year when he returned from the land of death (the underworld) and brought rain to renew the earth's fertility.
      Hebrew culture viewed the seas as evil and destructive, so Baal's promise to prevent storms and control the sea, as well as his seeming ability to produce abundant harvests, made him attractive to the Israelites. It's difficult to understand why Yahweh's people failed to see that He alone had power over these things. Possibly their desert origins led them to question God's sovereignty over fertile land. Maybe, however, the sinful pagan practices attracted them to Baal.

So instead of trusting that God was still Lord over everything and the source of all that they needed, they were influenced by the culture around them, instead of the converse of being a redeeming influence on the culture that they entered into.

And the reason why Baal worship was such a detestable thing to God was because of the child sacrifice that they performed in order to gain personal prosperity. And the sad thing was that the tribe of Levi was appointed especially to take care of the firstborn of the Israelites. So in reality, they had no excuse for offering their children (Numbers 3:11-13). God hated child sacrifice, especially among those who were called to be His people.

Baal actually had a female counterpart, named Asherah, who was worshiped in various ways, including ritual sex. It was believed that she was actually Baal's mother, but also his mistress...another detestable practice of the Baal fertility cult was the idea of "sympathetic magic"-they believed they could influence the gods' actions by performing the behavior they wished the gods to demonstrate.

And it was believed that if Baal and Asherah had sex, it would produce fertility for the land. So because of this, the worshipers would engage in immoral sex in order to cause the gods to join together and thereby ensure good harvests. And this practice is what became the basis for religious prostitution. Thus God's incredible gift of sexuality within the bonds of marriage was perverted and became obscene public prostitution. No wonder God's anger burned against His people and their leaders.

To bring it home, Ray asks how the culture back then is similar to our culture today. Do we sacrifice our children for prosperity? Have we perverted God's good gift of sexuality and used it for something other than the sexual union within marriage? Absolutely

There is abortion (I don't want to get into a political debate here), broken homes, and a very high divorce rate (almost higher amongst Christians), pornography, child prostitution, etc. Our culture really isn't all that different from back then. And I sit on my high and holy horse, thinking Baal worship is the most ridiculous thing in the world to get involved in; judging the Israelites like I'm so much better.

I'm not saying that I am involved in all those things and neither am I saying that Christians today are, but the cultural parallels are almost scary. It's frightening to think how similar they are. Fathers sacrifice time with their child because they want to buy the nicer car. And to do that, they've gotta work the extra hours. "Sorry, son...daddy's gotta work extra late today." It's no wonder why families are falling apart all around this country.

We are so driven for ambition, materialism, and personal wealth, that we'll do anything to get it. We lay our family on the line, our own personal convictions and faith. We are people of compromise and it is detestable in God's sight.

I know...pretty heart-wrenching, eh?

What do you do with all that? Well, Ray challenges us with the question of how can we as Christians be a redeeming influence on the culture around us? How can we live out our God-given purpose to touch the world for Jesus Christ? And what specific steps might God be calling you to take in order to impact your culture for Him, so that the world will continue to know that God is God?

I'd love to hear your thoughts, friends...thanks for reading!

Hope you were blessed :)

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestnes this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! -2 Cor. 7:9-11

Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy.
-Proverbs 12:20

The Ohio River was so beautiful...

As I sat there, close to 1 in the morning, looking across the water, I would've never thought to ever find myself here at this point in my life. A few years ago I'm not sure exactly I was imagining for the future, except to follow God and to be doing missions work.

It was just like "wow..." You really never know where you'll end up or where God will take you. You think things will turn out a certain way-and sometimes they do-but a lot of times they don't. You really don't know what to expect and life just keeps coming at ya, not really slowing down for anyone really.

A year is a year...an hour is an hour...a minute is a minute...it's one and the same for every human being on this planet. It's just where we find ourselves in those moments of time.

I don't want to get too philosophical here, thinking about God being outside the constraints of linear time and space. But just thinking about how God sets all this up from the very beginning is mind blowing!

Anyways, back to the bridge.

I must've journaled there for at least a few hours, pouring out my thoughts, my heart, and prayers up to God. I expressed my anger, frustration, the "why is it like this?" arguments, and just letting everything out that I've been bottling up and running away from the last few months.
I haven't wanted to deal with the conflicting relationships in my life and the deep heart issues that were eating me up inside until now. The last few days before I went on vacation were especially awful and just depressing. It was good to finally say to myself, "o.k...stop running away. Stop being like Elijah, and confront the situation."

I've done amazing ministry, seen the Lord do awesome things in the summer, and then all of a sudden, I'm on the run like Elijah was. He was dealing with Jezebel. I'm dealing with major conflicts and relationship issues that collectively represent the "Jezebel" in my life right now.

But the encouraging thing is that during those few days, I went from hopeless to hopeful.

I was depressed because I saw no hope. There was no light on the other end and I couldn't see past my circumstances. I wasn't putting my trust nor my hope in Christ. You would think it would be like, "duh...trust God, Chris". But it just hasn't been that easy. My pain has become so great it's clouded the goodness and love of God to the point of not being able to see any bit of blue skies on the horizon. But thanks to the Lord for being my sunshine :) Cheesy way of putting it, I know.


Here are two reasons I now have more hope after visiting the Cinci area:

Johnny, my old college buddy is studying seminary in Kentucky right now. He drove up north to Fort Mitchell, Kentucky, where I was spending the night just to see me. We went out to a GREAT chili place called Gourmet Chili in Covington, KY, just about 10 minutes up the interstate from where I was staying at.

It was awesome seeing him, reminiscing about the old days and sharing about our current ventures in ministry. I shared a lot about my current struggles and it was good to have a fellow brother listen to me, pray with me, and be able to encourage me to have the Lord's perspective on this. He certainly has a pastor's heart and I saw it in the way he counseled me and ministered to my heart. Thanks again, brother...

Yes, this is our wacky picture we took together up top when I was staying in the Best Western Inn. I had my ticket to see...the gun show. hahahaha. Johnny! You studly man!


And E-rock!!! Eric lives in Cincinnati and used to go to my church back in Long Island. He's back in Cincinnati now doing youth ministry in a pastoral position-without the official status though.

It was great being able to relate with him on a lot of the cultural struggles and hardships we've both been through growing up as Asian-Americans in the states. He shared with me a lot of his heart for the youth of his church to work through some of the issues that came with those cultural struggles that they face. It was good just being with someone who "got it" that I didn't need to explain myself to.

We shared about our future, trusting God with our wife situation (lack thereof, rather), and what will be coming up on the horizon, over some noodles and rice. It was great having some quality Chinese food for once! Sorry Indiana...you just ain't got it. Maybe one or two restaurants, but not much beyond that :)

Anyways, it was certainly a healing time, but I still didn't completely work through all the issues I was dealing with. I am still troubled though Jesus has promised me peace...and peace not as the world gives.

Continue to pray for me as I work out these things and enter back into our fall season with blue sky nine. I have to admit I have a lot of reservations coming back in. And for good reason. Nonetheless I know that God has put me here to love others and share the gospel of Christ with those who don't know Him. Satan is working over time to split us up and so is our flesh.

Pray my pride would be crushed and for my flesh to die.


I heard in a sermon last night how when God gives us wisdom, we are to believe and not doubt.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
-James 1:5-8

The doubt James is talking about is not the doubt of asking questions or wrestling with believing Him. It's sitting in judgment on God's ways, being the one who in essence says, "o.k., God, if your way is really right, then I'll try it. If it's not, then I guess it just didn't work"

It's like, "mmmm...is your way really the best way, God?" That's what I've been doing inadvertently.

Forgiveness Your way? Got doubts for you, God...

Humility Your way? Got more doubts for you, God...

Reconciliation Your way? Love your way?

Questions, questions, questions...doubts, doubts, and doubts...


As the man with a sick boy said to Jesus, "I believe; help my unbelief!" -Mark 9:24


Thanks for reading friends...good night

Woohoo! Vacation time!

It's been a long awaited one too.

I'm headed out now to Florence, Kentucky where I'll be spending the night. It'll be a short night but I just need to get away.

Tomorrow I'll be driving just up the road to Fort Mitchell, Kentucky and spending the night there. I'll be spending most of my day checking out downtown Cincinnati. Woohoo! Cincinnati, here I come!

I'm going to spend some much needed time with God to replenish, recoop, and get my head straight. Ever since summer project has been over, my spiritual life has been on a steady decline until I hit rock bottom two nights ago and have just been feeling really crappy ever since...it has NOT been fun.


Pray for me as I go. I could sure use your prayers. There are a ton of relational issues I need to face and deal with that I've been running away from since last week. The Lord has been pursuing me and pressing His finger on it but I've been ardently resisting. Pray I'll stop running and surrender to Him today.

I'm looking forward to the drive. Right now there shouldn't be any heavy traffic, so I should get there in a relatively short amount of time. Going cheap for dinner at Arby's, do some nice reading and quiet time, then hitting the sack. Then I have lunch with my old college buddy, Johnny Choi!

I am so excited to see him. He told me today that hearing my voice was a "blast from the past." It sure is! It's already been four years since I've been out school! FOUR YEARS!!! MAN! Where the heck did all the time go?!?!

I'm signing out from the internet...taking a break for a few days so I'll be posting up some stuff once I return home...blessings to you all. Have a great week

WOW

What a whirlwind of a time! I just got off the road with Young Isaac and MAN...I am spent. But WHAT AN AMAZING TIME. God blessed my socks off and I was so blessed and encouraged by each of them this summer. I will miss all the students dearly (emo moment here :) )

It has certainly been a while. I can scarcely hold a thought for too long before I move on to something else. Maybe that's why I'm so slow and far in-between blog entries.

Last night Dave Roux, the Keynote summer project director, spoke of going back into the valley after our mountaintop experience. He shared with us the example of Elijah who summoned fire to burn up the sacrifice on the altar to prove that the Lord was the Lord. And right after, he retreated into the Negev desert and wanted to die because he was afraid for his life, running away from Jezebel.

He steps down from the mountaintop and all these things come crashing in around him...it's the valley. Dave Roux...truer words were never spoken by you!

The summer was amazing with all the life change happening right before me, the people I met, the people I poured into and how I loved them and vice versa (I hope :) ), and it was fantastic. But this morning I woke up to the realization that I was going to have to deal with allllll these other things that have been on the wayside since I had left...

Difficult situations, relationships, the whole shebang...my head was full of clutter as I woke up this morning and the heat is on...I feel the spiritual attack and I need my Lord to help clear up what I'm thinking of...help me, Jesus.

To all my peeps...love you all. Thanks for your prayers and concern. You students were the greatest blessing in my life this summer. Now I've just gotta deal with all the other stuff going on in my life right now!