Something's Missing

I'm not alone
I wish I was
Cause then I'd know I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around
To love me like they do right now
They do right now

I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for joy but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pain
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

When autumn comes
It doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around
your summer heart

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test
For loneliness like this

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

Friends... (Check)
Money... (Check)
A well slept opposite sex.. (Check)
Guitar... (Check)
Microphone... (Check)
Messages waiting on me when I come home... (Check)

How come everything I think I need always comes with batteries?

What do you think it means?

      The lyrics to this song so poignantly describes the emptiness of our lives without Christ. It talks about how lost and empty he feels though he's basically got everything in the world. How sad and frustrating life must be if you've got it all and yet still aren't satisfied.

      "I'm dizzy from the shopping mall. I searched for joy but I bought it all. It doesn't help the hunger pain and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate." He describes this inner emptiness as "hunger pains" and a "thirst" that he has to drown first to ever satiate. Talk about empty!

      He checks off everything he's got that should fill him. You got friends, money, sex, talent, success, fans, your own voice, and friends. What else do you need? But he's still not filled. And he says, "omething's missing and I don't know how to fix it. Something's missing and I don't know what it is at all." How sad and lost is this description of a person who should be joyful, but sees how his kingdom is a castle made of sand!

      People everywhere are trying to fill the void of their lives buy buying things, thinking it'll fill, but it doesn't. All these things the world is investing in is temporal. It doesn't last. What's missing is Christ. Jesus came to give us life that we may have it and have it to the fullest. He bled and died to put us back into a right relationship with Him.

"He became sin who had no sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Cor. 5:21).

      When we accept Christ, that broken fellowship with God is restored again and that void or the "God-shaped hole" as a famous theologian put it, is filled.

"Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" (John 4: 13, 14)

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" (Matt. 5:6)

      Like the woman at the well, Jesus offers us "living water." If we would but ask Him for a drink, our souls would never hunger or thirst again. We would be blessed and we would be filled.


In response to you, John Mayer...

Christ is what's missing
And He knows just how to fix it
Christ is what's missing
And He knows just what it is
He's all

      Here's a picture of my friend, Daniel Kim (who is the electric guitarist from Clearview), Mr.s Valez and I with Michael Chang! He's a really cool guy and very humble too. I actually worked up enough courage to give him my support letter! Actually, I was thinking to myself, "You spent two hours last night typing this up. If you don't give it to him, that was a serious waste of MPD time!" So, praise God I didn't chicken out and did ask him. Thanks for all of you whom I told and prayed for me to have the courage to do that!

      At one point I actually sensed God nudge me to give it to him and not hold back. Inside i was like, "eek! I don't know!" But after hearing his testimony and the heart that he has to reach out to non-Christians and share about Christ, I though to myself, "Why wouldn't he be encouraged to hear about my ministry? He has a heart for the lost." So I gave it to him! Who knows? If I didn't ask, his answer would always be "no." But now, there's a chance at least! hahaha...Michael, you rock! You're awesome! And if you read this entry, I want you to know that I was super blessed by your testimony and have actually been sharing it with many others who asked me how the night went!

Shogi is two years old!!!

     


Here he is chewing the ducky we bought him:

          
          

And his new bone:



Staring blankly at me:


                                              

Looking over his playpen:

               Who's that weird guy in the glasses?

      So here we are once again...AVID back in action. It was great getting to play with my old band buddies. For those who aren't familiar with us, AVID stands for A Voice In the Desert, and they were my frist band I was part of. We've been together since '98 I believe and have gone through a whole bunch of changes. Jonathan, our leader left for the Air Force last year to move to San Antonio, T.X., so you can guess what happened with us! Anyways, it was awesome just playing with them again and jamming too. Always good to connect back with my "roots."

      We've been through thick and thin and seen God do amazing things and use us in amazing ways. All glory to God though, none to us. It was especially a blessing getting to lead worship for all of our fellow Binghamton IV fellowship alumni friends. Wow...talk about blast from the past. It was so weird at first talking to people because we didn't know what to say!

"Hey! Long time no see! How have you been?!"
"Good, good!"
"How's work?"
"Good"
"How's life?"
"Good"
"How's church?"
"Good"
"Cool, cool...anything else going on recently?"
"No, not much really. Everything's been good though"

And that was about it...though some conversations went further than that.

      Sometimes I wish in my heart God would've called us to go full-time with the ministry we had because I really believed it was something special that God put together. But I realized it was for a season of time and when we thought about our individual callings and direction, we knew that it wasn't with each other, unfortunately. But it's not something to be sad about, only to be joyful that we had the time together we did. But man...I do miss playing with them and it's always so much fun when we play, have fun and goof off together. I look forward to more opportunities to minister together in the future. Love you guys man!

      I forgot to mention to each of you that I'll be playing drums for an outreach with former world famous tennis player, Michael Chang, this Friday, March 18th, from 7:30 to 9:30p.m. in the Wang Center at Stonybrook University!
Please pray that it would be a great outreach to those who don't know Christ and that people would be touched by Michael's testimony.
      Please also pray for oportunities to share the gospel with others while I'm there and that God will use the worship music we play and the special music we'll also play to draw others unto Himself. After all, this is what I live for! This is what my ministry will be similar to in the near future! God is awesome! What a great opportunity to serve Him! You can download the flyer by clicking on the link above. Blessings and good night.

Truth...I've been thinking it's all about me. I've been fearful, afraid, ashamed even, at times to share about what God's doing in my life and the ministry He's called me to. Why? Because I'm so negative and I'm such a Peter. I step out of the boat, I jump at the opportunity, then all of a sudden I think to myself, "whoa, whoa...this is some deep water here. Am I really standing on water? Is this possible?" I start to doubt, I start to see the waves, I get a little seasick and it's all downhill from there. Why do I doubt so much? Why do I not believe? Giving up yourself is not an easy thing. It's so hard to really let go and step out in faith and leave yourself hanging out there, vulnerable to everything.

I am

"like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea."-C.S. Lewis

If I stepped out in faith, I would know what great things God has for me. I would leave this life of half-hearted trust and fearful reluctance. If I would abandon all and yes, be naked, spiritually before my God and before men, I would experience true freedom. If I would let the truth of Christ resound from my heart, I believe I would experience such freedom. But I'm still so afraid. What will they think? What will they do? All false fears, I know...but still, this spiritual splinter cuts me at the core and I have to battle it every day. It's the thorn in my side, it's the flesh that wants to live and I must pray for it to die every day.

I had an awesome prayer time this past week a few days ago. I went to bed late and laid down for a while, but couldn't really sleep. I got up and knew I needed to "pray out" many things on my mind. I went downstairs and paced around the island in the middle of my kitchen, praying in the Spirit and asking God to renew my mind.

What came to me that night was that I realized my support raising is more about God changing my character than about my funds. That it was more about who He was making me to be, rather than what He wanted me to do. That money wasn't the issue. It's my heart. It's my character and about conquering my fears. He wants to stretch my faith and bring me into deeper reliance on Him. I realized this money was nothing to Him. The object of it was no difficulty for God to raise. And that He is willing to spend the money of others to invest into my life so that He can mold me and change me into the man of God He wants me to be. Like a sculptor who chips away at the piece of clay until that statue is complete, so God is doing the same with me.

Last week was probably the hardest week of MPD time since I've been back. I was getting more and more fatigued as the week grew on and by Thursday night, I was exhausted and feeling very sick physically, drained emotionally and not doing so great spiritually. I realized I had not been spending a lot of time with God, I was lacking in prayer and was not paying attention to other duties and responsibilities I had in regards to MPD and my life.

In short, I was beginning to feel anxiety attacks because I was looking at my contacts list and the more I looked at it, the more I dreaded to look at it again, because I saw how it was continually shrinking. I was growing fearful that I wouldn't have enough people to contact. I kept going through the names in my head..."no, that person won't want to meet me...that person...eh...not sure...this person...I'll call them next week. They're probably busy." My anxiety about it continued to grow and I realized I lacked any sort of peace in my heart. Jesus was no longer the center.

However, I had an amazing conversation with a fellow staff worker friend who encouraged me to not be fearful. She was so encouraging and affirming and it was really what I needed to hear to get my focus right with God. In fact I knew what I needed to do in my mind, but receiving that counsel and exhortation on the listening end was a huge help.

I forgot to mention that in the middle of the night on Tuesday earlier that week, I woke up to a horrible pain in my left side. I thought it was my appendix, but as my mother so graciously told me, "Your appendix is on the right side! That's probably your spleen or something!" :) hehe. Silly me. But it was a horrible, sharp pain that would not go away and I said to myself, "Chris...you need some sleep."

The weekend was a blur and by Monday and Tuesday, I just needed some good rest time to refresh, reflect and pray. And pray I did. Praise the Lord I got to fast and pray and unexpectedly fasted for almost the whole day and was able to regain a lot of focus from that and really sensed the presence of God as I worshipped Him Monday morning. He gently affirmed that "Chris, your support is going to come in." Hearing that was a huge comfort as times were beginning to get tough.

To be cont.

Wednesday I was to have my first appointment of the week during the evening, but I figured I'd try to contact a supporter who gave me an open invite to drop by and say hi to her whenever I was in the area. In the back of my mind, though I did just want to visit her to build better relations with her, I was hoping to qualify some contacts she gave me. But the thing was I never actually called her in advance to let her know I would be dropping by. I was just sort of going on a whim, hoping that she'd be there so I could talk with her and see what happens.

I called her to see if she was home and she picked up and was so happy to hear my voice. She said, "Chris! I'm so glad you called! You didn't leave me any information! I've been wanting to tell my friends about you and there's someone who wants you to e-mail him about your ministry because he may want to support you!" YEAH BABY!!!

That was the best news I heard all week and I was so super encouraged. It was the first time I felt up and up about what was going on with me and I literally ran down the halls of my mom's Flushing apartment to the parking garage below. I was so excited and drove over there right away.

So it ends up that as soon as I walked in the door, Changmama tells me, "Hey! That guy I told you about is on the phone right now!" Unbeknownst to me, I was about to have an impromptu appointment over the phone! He proceeded to ask me about my ministry and I explained it to him as best as I could with the limited Chinese grammar I have. He encouraged me to seek God continually and to definitely let my family know as they would be a big support in all this. I agreed and told him I appreciated his encouragement and advice. He ended the conversation interested in my ministry and told me to go ahead and e-mail him and he'll see if he can support my ministry a little bit. SAWEEET!

Changmama fed me delicious crab salad and OJ as we talked about what God was doing in our lives. We talked for about fifteen, twenty minutes and as Changmama was telling me about a lady she wanted to introduce me to from this church that she was going to speak at in April, the phone rang. And it happened to be that very lady on the phone! And so right there Changmama told this lady about me over the phone and shared with her about my minstry for me!

Changmama told her that I would be playing drums at the Michael Chang event happening on the night of March 18th at the Wang Center at Stonybrook University. The lady said she wanted to go hear him speak and at the same time would get to hear me play and talk to me afterwards as well. PRAISE GOD!!! I suddenly had two more contacts that were potential partners in ministry!

Changmama then said to me, "You see? How can you say that that's not God? You happened to be here when my friend from San Diego called! And then my friend from that church called in while you are sitting here!" Wow...words of affirmation, words of truth, and exhortation to believe that God is setting up divine appointments for me and making things happen and that HE was the ultimately who is raising my support. Why do you doubt, Christ? Why so cynical? Why so scared and negative all the time? Can't you see Him providing?

We prayed afterwards and I was almost in tears because I really felt just as emotional inside as I do sometimes after a great worship service. I really felt like I just met with God in a powerful way. It really was God's timing and it really was what I needed at that moment in light of the last few days. God was letting me know He's doing things and that He's providing me with opportunities to share my ministry with others. I just need to continue to step out in faith and He will meet me MORE than half way.


My meeting with Changmama reminded me of the verse in 2 Timothy 2:13 that says,

"if we are faithless, he remains faithful."

I have always loved this verse because of it's unconditional promise. Even if we are faithless, He will remain faithful to us. No matter how many times we doubt or turn away, He still remains faithful. He will never change and will always be there for us. Praise God.

I drove away in my car so encouraged and again sensed God's affirmation that I was walking in His will and that I didn't need to worry about anything. I saw the fruits of my prayer and how effective it was to spend time in my Father's presence and to abide in Him. Once I did that and got myself back on track, He blessed me tenfold. What an amazing God we serve. We give him a little and He gives us so much. I'll never understand God's math or His love for that matter, and I don't think I ever will.

Praise be to our God who is from everlasting to everlasting.
He is our true treasure and reward.